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Egg collecting is both annoying and disgusting and often leads to the discovery that the chicken you're fighting isn't sitting on anything at all. If you don't use a stick for this, congratulations, your bloody arm is now ground zero for a brand new chimeric disease that they'll name after you. To do this, one simply pries the fluttering, pecking hen out of her coop. This is usually cut short by about 22 days when a farmer or his disinterested children yank the egg out from under her.
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Consider that the next time you're a vegetarian and you're wondering why everyone thinks you're an asshole.Īfter being furiously impregnated against her will, the hen lays her egg and sits on it as often as she can for 22 days. Chickens are these stupid little fat squirting things that look like a pillow fight when they try to fly, and the only thing they can do with any elegance is violent sexual assault and pantomiming the shame they feel afterward. The rooster does this to every chicken every day, and none of them have ever wanted it. When robots become self-aware, it's the milking machines that will be first to suggest revenge. It's like squeezing hot snot out of a fat woman's flaccid penis. And if you ever get the opportunity to milk an animal, don't take it. Evolution gave these monsters natural weapons that actually prevent you from cleaning up after them. They were also peeing on that, and the second you disturb the swampy toilet they call a home, ammonia shoots out to burn your lungs and sear your eyeballs. You just pick it up with a shovel and move it, right? Good luck. It's soft to sleep on, it keeps them warm, they can eat it and it will be made entirely out of feces before any of those things happen. It's like natural selection decided it was too much trouble to give them claws and decided instead to have them spew waste until they're too disgusting to eat.Ī nice thing to do for animals is to keep a layer of hay on the floor of their barn. The only two events in the life cycle of a cow are ruining grass and death. The rest is simply coated in filth and flung out of the back of the animal. And according to my studies, cows digest only 2 percent of what they eat. One of the reasons people don't keep goats as pets is because every pound of tin cans they swallow turns into 5 pounds of slimy fecal pellets that fall from them in an unbreaking stream. 6 Animals Are Designed by Nature to Be Gross